A Reflection of Love

PREFACE

I sit in the sun bleached Adirondack, head back, eyes closed, listening to something classical, and the candles are flickering in the gentle breeze. The sun is setting and I hear my deep sigh as it escapes my saddened heart. Sunday nights are always the worst as Monday morning is only hours away. I long for retirement and an easier life. Automatically, I reach for the wine glass on the side table appreciating the wine as it slips over my tongue. The new red zinfandel tastes wonderful. The music grows louder more fierce as the piano crescendos. The strings are soothing and the drums beat louder as if arguing with the other instruments. My head sways to the music longing for the stress to fade away. It is usually at this time of the evening when I can appreciate all the day had to offer and couldn’t begin to ask for more. However, this evening I struggle with what life has offered up these past months. I sit contemplating my life and wondering if I made the right decisions. Charlotte was a pipe dream, wasn’t it? Life should be different now. School is about to end, summer begins anew and life should be full of sweet anticipation of the days to come. The job is a struggle and I think of all my wonderful memories at the beach. That is where I once found love and the serenity that came with it.

The following morning, I sit upon the beach watching the sandpipers as they skitter about the foam’s edge. The sand crabs submerge themselves quickly as the last drops of water ebb their way deeper into the sand. The nearby children complete their latest castle, an impressive giant for their age. The little girl with her cute smile and freckles shyly waves at me, her older brother joining in as I return the wave. I’ve often thought, “What if?” and “Why not?” It is now sad to be in the world without someone to love me back. Why was my career so much more important than a family of my own?

Couldn’t I see that one day I’d miss out on all the joy that sits in front of me at this very moment? Jennifer and her husband are so fortunate to have their family and to be so much in love. What would I have done these past years without them including me in their vacations? Jennifer knew that once Carl was gone I would need her even more. We had only seven years together but they were the best years of my life. Our life together was full of friends and good times. While we felt we weren’t ready for children, we so enjoyed Autumn and Michael. I hope Jennifer realizes that if anything were to happen to her that I’d be there for the children and would love them as only she could. I’m glad to have found a purpose this summer. I sit on the beach for hours at a time remembering…just remembering.

Chapter 1

A soft breeze was blowing the sand that night as I walked along the surf. I felt like the skittering sandpipers as I narrowly escaped the ocean’s edge. I remember my toenails were pink to match the stripe in my suit and my skin was darker than it had ever been, a nice contrast to my cover up. I walked along slowly as my thoughts drifted out with each wave. Do you daydream at night? If so, I was completely entranced. Head down and thoughts at bay, I hit a tree, or so I thought, until gentle hands found my arms to steady me. Startled, I looked into the most beautiful blue eyes. I immediately noticed the smile and the dimples dotting each cheek.

“Excuse me,” I said.

“Are you all right?” he said.

We laughed. “You first.” “Sorry, you first.” I was so caught up in his eyes I didn’t realize he still held my hand. His hand was warm against mine and I liked it! I stepped away as he brought my hand up to his mouth and placed a gentle kiss in my palm.

“Salty,” he said and smiled.

“The ocean,” I proclaimed with an outstretched arm pointing to the water.

He then walked into my open arm and I closed it over his back and hugged tightly. His arms enfolded me and I felt the length of his body against mine. Who is this man, I wondered? I was thankful Jennifer was nearby. She quickly caught up with me, a puzzled look on her face. I just shrugged and shook my head signaling I didn’t know who he was. She motioned for me to move away and I quickly obeyed never taking my eyes away from his. His smile deepened as I blushed.

He again took my hand pumping it as he introduced himself. “Carl Cooper,” he said.

I was so caught up in the warmth of his hand in mine that I was barely able to speak my name. “Sylvia Stevenson,” I whispered. “Have we met before?” Corny line, I know, but nothing else came to mind. My brain was mush. I hear Jennifer clearing her throat and it brought me out of my fog.

“Um, Carl, is it? This is my dearest friend in all the world, Jennifer Tepper.” I hear them exchange pleasantries but my thoughts have drifted to another time many years ago. I am having a déjà vu moment. Ever had one of those? I think I know this man from somewhere but his name isn’t familiar and yet he isn’t a stranger to me. Did I know this man in a previous life? What is it about him that is so mesmerizing and so natural that I’d want to embrace him without even knowing his name? I hear Jennifer, as if in the distance, recounting our friendship of many years and she jokingly mentions that I am single. I blush yet again. I look into his eyes and they are smiling at me as if he has a secret he wants to share.

Jennifer makes our excuses and we walk back to the beach house. Actually, I believe she was pulling me back to the dune and to the steps that led me toward the path to the back deck, as I don’t recall much of the journey. My thoughts were all fuzzy trying to remember the association with the stranger and those blue eyes and that beautiful smile. I could already see the wickedness behind that smile and I wanted to experience it. Jennifer led me to the chair and I sat down slowly. She left me there, lost in thought. I remember mumbling my goodnight and she was gone. Who is this man? Where did he come from? How do I know him? So many unanswered questions yet I feel like I’ve known him forever. After a while, I walked into the kitchen and poured some wine. I went back to my chair and stared out at the ocean. The dolphins were playing amongst themselves. Their gentle leaps reminded me of children playing. Oh, how I longed for children, a family of my own to nurture. I know my dream man is out there somewhere waiting for me. I looked up at the stars just in time to see a shooting star make its final journey through the heavens. As was the tradition, I made my wish, the same wish I always made. I wished for that special someone to come into my life. A couple walked up the beach, hand in hand, bodies touching. They were lovers and you could tell from their body language. I longed for that same look, that same feeling. Maybe this was my year, my time, at last, for love.

I lay my head back against the chair, closed my eyes and began to think about the blue-eyed man from the beach. I heard soft music drift out from the house next door. As I looked over at the deck, there he was, the man from the beach, and he was watching me. I was embarrassed and quickly looked away. Sipping my wine, I decided to go in. As I stood and turned, I heard him call my name and ask me not to go. He started down his stairs, walked over the dune and around to our walkway.

As he approached, I gulped another taste of wine. Nervous, I sat down. He reached the top of the stairs and leaned on the railing. I had only a brief moment to look into his eyes before he approached me taking my hand in his. He placed my glass on the railing and pulled me into his arms. He gently hugged me and then pulled away looking into my eyes. He searched for something; I know not what. I was lost in those eyes. I sought an answer to the question of the moment: What is he doing here and, again, who is he? I still had the feeling I knew him but I don’t recall ever meeting him before. He leaned in and I allowed him to kiss me. His warm body felt wonderful against mine and I longed for more. His hands were in my hair and gently pressing into my back pushing me closer into him. I lost all thought; I could hear nothing but the waves crashing on the beach. I could taste him and it was like nothing I’d ever experienced before. My heart raced skipping beat after beat. I wondered if he could feel it through the palms of his hands. I gently pulled away and lay my head on his chest. The sound was thump, thump, thump, in rapid succession.

At that moment, Autumn came bounding out the door wanting ice cream. I looked into his eyes with an apology and he understood I needed to go. He said his goodbyes as Autumn and I walked into the kitchen. Autumn chatted about her day and the new girl she met. Riley was staying a few doors down at the Carmichael house. The Carmichael’s decided to stay in New York for the summer as their grandchild was due any day. I have missed them this week and can’t wait to celebrate their new arrival. Autumn talked about going to the shop near town so we could go parasailing tomorrow and was too excited to sleep. Ice cream and all that sugar was not the solution for her late night excitement. I gave her a glass of water and walked her back to her room promising to read her a story. How I loved these quiet times with her since I had no children of my own. Soon enough, I found myself saying, “And they lived happily ever after.” Autumn’s sleepy eyes and yawns were my signal to say good night and tuck her in. I pulled up the sheet and lay her bear on her shoulder as she snuggled in for the night. How peaceful she looked with one hand curled under her ear and the other wrapped around the teddy bear I’d bought the previous summer. The tears came then as I longed for my own family.

As I turned off the lamp and pulled her door closed, the wave of sadness came harder than ever. I walked back out to the deck, sat in the dark and shed my quiet tears. I sat there for what seemed forever, not realizing that Carl watched me from a distance.

Chapter 2

I walked back to my own beach house; saddened that Sylvia had to go. I sat on the deck watching the door waiting to see if she would return. And when she took her seat, her shoulders slumped and she began to shake. She was crying and I wanted nothing more than to hold her and ask her to tell me all about it and that I wanted to help her get through whatever was bothering her. Meeting her today had been so unexpected. Apparently, she didn’t remember me or if she did, she didn’t let on. I thought I’d never see her again after our chance meeting in Colorado. I sat back in the lounger trying to decide whether to go back for another visit. I began staring out at the ocean and my thoughts then drifted back to the bar at the Denver resort.

It was a cold October night when she took the seat next to me. She ordered a cosmopolitan and began watching the late baseball games cheering on each batter and, then in turn, cheering for the outfielder to catch it. She was something else. I was mesmerized by her personality and wanted to get to know her. Who cheers for the batter to hit the ball and then the outfielder to catch it?! I laughed to myself just thinking about it. I remembered watching her watch the game not realizing she had an audience. When the station went to commercial, I took my chance and introduced myself. She was an event planner from Virginia planning a conference at a resort in Vale but stopped at the Marriott for a weekend visit with friends. I was in town for the season’s largest furniture Expo. We continued to chat for hours, ordering drink after drink. At midnight, she wished me a good night and made her way to the elevators. I quickly signed my tab and made my way to the elevators as well. Sadly, just as I reached them, the doors closed, ending my chance of what could have been the night of my life.

She was nice, easy to talk to and easy on the eyes as well. I could have stared into her green eyes all night. There was something about the shape, the color, that kept my attention long after was necessary. How did she do it, I wondered? How had this complete stranger captivated me and so quickly? I continued on to my room missing her already. I will have a busy day tomorrow, and it was best I went to bed and put her out of my mind.

I was so preoccupied with thoughts of her the following day; I couldn’t wait to go to the bar after the trade show to see if she was there. The hours passed and I looked at the clock one last time; 6:00pm and I could leave at last! I grabbed a cab and headed for the hotel. As I sat down with computer in hand, I realized I left my power cable at the booth. I would check at the concierge desk to see if they had a loaner. Half an hour later, I was waiting at the concierge desk and who walked in but Sylvia. She walked toward me with a smile but I realized too late that it wasn’t for me but for the hotel staff. I heard her arrange a driver to take her to dinner. While she waited for her pick-up confirmation, she looked around and finally saw me. Her eyes seemed to light up at the sight of me. We exchanged a quiet hello and she inquired about my day. She had a subtle way about her that made you feel welcome in her space. I felt as if I’d known her forever. How crazy is that? A few hours of drinks and chitchat and my whole world had changed. We chatted a few moments longer and as she began to walk away, I softly called out her name. As she turned, I asked if I could take her to dinner. She tried to make excuses but I wouldn’t have it. I knew from overhearing her conversation that she was dining alone. I was adamant she accept my invitation and she finally agreed.

When I made my way back to the lobby an hour later, she was seated seductively in a black cocktail dress, black nylons and pumps. The jewelry was exquisite as well as her hair and makeup. The car arrived promptly at 8:00pm and I led her to the door. We had a quiet ride to the restaurant with an easy banter about the day. Upon our arrival, I walked around to open her door and took her hand to retrieve her from the sedan. She belonged in a sleek black car. She had a graceful way about her as she stepped out the car almost as if she were floating. I was already fantasizing about the evening to come. I led her into the Italian restaurant where the hostess took her wrap and my coat and then led us to a quiet corner table; the one I called and requested only a short time ago.

Our waiter arrived with menus and poured water into the stemmed glasses. As I reviewed the wine list, she looked at the menu and occasionally glanced at me from over the top. Her eyes were playful yet seductive and I knew then this night would be a memory forever instilled in my mind. I ordered a red zinfandel and the fried calamari she said she loved. I then mentioned to the waiter the chef could take his time preparing our food this evening. Once the wine was poured, tasted, approved and ready for drinking, I lifted my glass in toast. “To meeting you,” I said and her soft reply was, “And you.” The soft ringing of crystal briefly floated on the air.

We chatted about our busy day and the work we both endured, she the busy event planner and me the jovial sales guy. We fell into easy conversation about everything: family, friends, music, travel and wine (her favorite topic). I remember her recounting the trip to Santa Barbara where she developed her taste for the heavy-bodied reds. As she recalled the details of her infamous ten winery tour, her eyes sparkled with playful fun, yet I could see the yearning to return there and relive every joyful moment. She mentioned it being her first solo vacation and how much she learned about herself. She realized how unhappy she had been and she was living a lie. She decided to terminate the relationship she was in before it went any further. She said from that point forward, she referred to it as her “Santa Barbara Soul Searching Trip.”

I enjoyed her animated conversation and the sparkle in her eyes as she talked about her worldly travels and of her friend, Jennifer Tepper. Apparently, she had many opportunities to travel the world while planning events for her company, and she met Jennifer years ago while working in Ireland. They became steadfast friends and stayed in contact over the years. Jennifer came to the states often to vacation with Sylvia and they became more than friends, they were more like sisters. Sylvia had a look in her eye of deep emotion and sadness. I wanted to ask where she drifted off to in her thoughts but did not want to put a damper on the evening so I tried to ignore it.

The waiter arrived with our appetizer and refilled our wine glasses. While Sylvia looked into my eyes and chatted, I could see she was slowly withdrawing from me, and the light was disappearing from her eyes. That magical moment was now gone but I was determined to get it back. I had just met her, our meal had just begun, and I didn’t want to lose her already. I started chatting about my family living nearby in Denver and mentioned the ski lodge they owned. I immediately invited her to visit when she could get away again for a long weekend. Her eyes sparkled once again and that mischievous smile reappeared. Oh, how I wanted to take her in my arms at that very moment and brush my knuckles down the length of her neck and kiss her ever so softly. She looked at me inquisitively so I reached across the table and took her hand in mine and squeezed it gently. Smiling again, I told her how much I appreciated her joining me for the evening and she blushed. She looked so sexy; I knew I would never forget this moment, not ever.

Our entrées arrived and even more wine was consumed. Frankly, I was a “Jack and Ginger” man. However, tonight I would consume anything. I was smitten. Sylvia loved seafood and pasta. Her linguini in a light red sauce was piled high with shrimp, scallops and mussels. Being a man, I had to order a steak, medium rare. This version was covered with crabmeat and a succulent sauce with a side of asparagus and garlic-mashed potatoes. We each tasted our entrées and I decided this was quickly becoming my favorite dish. Sylvia made several comments about the asparagus so I laid several pieces on top of her pasta. It feels so natural to share food with this woman. I feel like I’ve known her forever.

After the table was cleared and our glasses refilled yet again, we sat back to enjoy the remainder of the evening. A dessert tray was brought out and we both declined. After I signed the check, we moved over to the lounge and a comfortable sofa. I hated having the table between us. I wanted my arm around her shoulder and I wanted to gaze in her eyes and to whisper in her ear. This was fast becoming the most wonderful evening I’d had in quite some time. I was not ready for it to end.

I can’t believe this man is seated across from me. How nice he is, with that great smile and those wonderful eyes. I feel like I’ve known him forever. This has been a great evening. I don’t want it to end. Then, the voice of reason spoke: What are you thinking? You just met him. He’s a complete stranger. You don’t even know him. You are not good at this kind of thing. So many relationships have failed. What makes you think this one will go anywhere? Get real. All my doubts flooded in quickly. It was easier having the table between us. I had a barrier to keep him at bay. Now, on this wonderful sofa, he was right here close enough to touch, to kiss. My resolve was quickly eluding me. I don’t want to fall for yet another man who is going to break my heart. I just can’t. As each second ticked by, I became more and more uncomfortable. Carl put his arm around my shoulder and gently pulled me in closer. I knew he wanted to kiss me but I wasn’t ready for this. I need to get away and do it now before it’s too late. I abruptly rose from my seat and ran to the ladies room. I turned to look back at his confused face. I knew it was a mistake but I couldn’t put another hole in my heart.

Twenty minutes later, Carl found himself drowning in Jack Daniels with a splash of ginger ale. What went wrong and when? We were having a wonderful time and now what? I assume she’s in the ladies room. Should I run after her or leave her be? Did I say something wrong? I wish she would come out and talk to me.

I stayed in the ladies room for what seemed like an eternity. I gasped for air and tried not to cry. Another anxiety attack; when would they end? I finally skulked out and I found him at the bar with a glass in his hand. In my absence, he had moved on to something stronger. His mood had changed drastically, thanks to me, and I felt horrible. What could I do now but let him down easy. I made my apologies but they fell upon deaf ears. I waited a few moments for a reply but there was none. I then walked over to the hostess to retrieve my wrap and asked for a cab.

I watched her walk away and could not find the words to bring her back. I knew we were moving too fast yet I was enjoying myself so much I did not want the evening to end. I shouldn’t have left the table. It’s my fault entirely. What was I thinking? I know what I was thinking…dinner, drinks, soft music, candlelight; it was the ultimate scene of seduction. Why did I think she would be different than all the others? This routine doesn’t work at home; why did I think it would work tonight?

In my quiet ride back to the resort, I tried to figure out what went wrong. I was having a wonderful time. The walls were finally coming down and I so enjoyed Carl’s company. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I move on? Jimmy really did a number on me. When I met and married him, I thought it was forever. Losing him to another woman has made it impossible to love again. The heart can only take so much before it begins to crumble away and leave you with the feeling it will never repair itself.

I was dropped at the hotel and I slowly made my way to the elevators hoping not to run into Carl again. I was too ashamed to see him right now and wasn’t sure if I would be able to explain myself. As I pushed the button, I caught a glimpse of him. He saw me at the same time and I could see the hurt in his eyes. The elevator arrived, I stepped in and the doors closed. My last glimpse of him showed the pain in his eyes and I could see he was silently asking me what went wrong.

Chapter 3

The next morning, the dull fall light slipped through the opening in the curtains. The light fell across my eyes and I did not want to wake just yet. I wanted to go back to my dreams. I did not want to face reality this morning. Meetings would go long today and I was not ready for the borage of questions I knew my associates would ask. I saw several of them at the restaurant last night but ignored them. Today was a new day, and I would be folly for their eager minds. I rolled over pulling the comforter over my head. Give me another day, I thought, just one more day. Okay, let’s be real… what was that one more day going to do for me? The pain would be there tomorrow, wouldn’t it? Be a big girl. Face your troubles. Get up and be an adult. How I despised my inner child being more mature. I reached for the phone, called room service for coffee and a bagel, and then headed for the shower.

As I started to dry my hair, I heard a knock at the door. I swung the door open expecting room service but found Carl leaning against the doorframe. I grew irritated in phases. The first of shock, then of fear, and finally, the anger surfaced. How did he know my room number? Did he follow me last night? Maybe he waited in the lobby until my elevator stopped? Did he monitor the room service line? I blew out an angry breath and with that I slammed the door only to have it bump into his broad shoulder. I became even more irritated with him standing just outside my door. Meanwhile, a grin spread across his face.

“What?” I finally said.

“You are so beautiful in the morning,” he said and smiling again, leans on the threshold.

“Look, I made a mistake. I should never have gone out with you. I’m not good at this. Please forgive me.”

Realizing my hair was not yet dry and my face contained no makeup, I quietly asked him to leave. I could see the same sad, withdrawn look on his face. Was that the sound of his heart cracking, I wondered? I watched him take a step backward, turn to his left and then he was out of sight. My doorway was empty, quiet, and even a little sad.

I walked slowly back to the bed and threw myself onto the pile of pillows. This is where Jennifer found me an hour later; hair wet with streaks of tears running down my cheeks, the wet stains still on my pillow. I forgot she was coming into town. She had promised to meet me on this leg for our weekend at Vale. I tried to cheer up and get Carl off my mind. It was only dinner, I kept telling myself, and nothing more.

Jennifer was appalled at my current state and asked many questions. I didn’t have many answers, as I wasn’t sure what happened this week. I met a man who I felt very comfortable with yet my heart was not ready to move on to the next venture only to be stomped on again. I needed to safeguard my heart from the Casanovas of the world in order for my brain to stay sane. Heart and head were two different things and they were not ready to be one.

With my lack of answers, Jennifer pulled me from the bed and walked me to the shower. I screamed once the cold water hit me and fought with her to get the knob turned off. My terry robe was now drenched and weighed a ton. Jennifer took one look at my drowned status and began to laugh. No matter how much I wanted to cry at that moment, I began laughing as well. Jennifer could always bring me out of my funk and find my funny bone. She was my dearest friend in the entire world and I leaned on her more than my very own sister.

Jennifer phoned my office begging off the rest of the day as I changed into my ski outfit. Once she hung up, Jennifer rambled on about her flight. She met the most dashing man on the flight over from Ireland. They chatted extensively, sipped champagne, and exchanged cheeky glances and phone numbers, knowing they wouldn’t call each other. I never understood why she did it in the first place knowing she would never call. I think it was a game she played only to see if she could get the number! While she went on about Kevin, I dried my hair and applied my makeup. I was feeling better now and knew that I could put Carl in the past. It had been a mistake to go out with him and I now needed to move on; it was nothing and would become nothing in the future.

I walked into the bedroom as Jennifer hung up her phone. She was bright eyed with a huge smile on her face.

“You will never guess who that was!” Jennifer screamed.

“Who?” I said.

“Kevin!”

“And how does this affect me?”

“Oh, Sylvia, he wants to meet us in Vale! Will you still go with me?”

I hesitated at first thinking of all the other “Kevin’s.” Seems neither of us is good at relationships. Who has a relationship with someone you just met on a plane I asked myself? Jennifer, that’s who! Well, what was I to do? Go home or go to Vale? Vale, of course! I’ll just get my own suite and leave Jennifer with her man. I’ll just turn this into a work session instead of a mini holiday as intended. There were plenty of details yet to be attended to and I’ll get them done quickly and head back home earlier than scheduled.

We packed my remaining things and headed to the elevators to check out. Once downstairs, I spotted Carl in the bar. I had one last chance to say I was sorry and that I meant no harm. As I walked closer to the bar, he saw me and turned toward me. He didn’t allow me to speak but held out his hand and shaking mine said it had been interesting meeting me. He abruptly dropped my hand and turned back to the television monitors. I stood in silence and in shock. I swallowed trying to get the courage to speak yet I found nothing meaningful to say. It was indeed over and I was the reason. I sighed, turned and walked away.

Carl turned to watch her walk away. Why did I do that, he thought? Why couldn’t I be a real man and be polite. It wasn’t like I was proposing marriage or in some everlasting relationship, was it? It was dinner. Just dinner and I blew it. Ah, this too shall pass…doesn’t it always? As the revolving doors began making their swishing sound, Carl looked up at them to see Sylvia walk into them and out of his life for good. He turned back to the bar and the play-off game hoping his team would win. He needed something positive to happen today.

Jennifer led Sylvia to the sleek black limousine parked at the curb. Kevin waited inside to take them to Vale. Sylvia rolled her eyes at Jennifer and said she’d take another car. Jennifer insisted Sylvia ride along. It was a decision she would soon regret.

I sat and watched Jennifer and Kevin get way too personal in front me. They could wait until they got to the hotel, couldn’t they? Wow! This was just like Jennifer. She didn’t care who was around. What she wanted and when she wanted made no difference to who was around and when. I tried to keep the conversation going in a different direction but it helped very little. I finally kept quiet and looked out the window watching the mountains grow taller and whiter. For October, I was surprised at the amount of snow but at this elevation I shouldn’t have been shocked.

It seemed hours passed before we made it to the resort and, by this time, Jennifer and Kevin were snuggled together in the corner of the limo almost sleeping. I watched them and longed for someone to feel the same about me. Ah, maybe one day. Kevin began to fidget in the corner so I assumed we were near enough that he had to pull himself together before we approached the resort. I am sure he had someone to impress as he exited the car. Jennifer stretched and yawned. She had the “cat ate the canary” look on her face. She was so smug I wanted to slap her. While I truly enjoyed her company, I was so jealous of her at this very moment.

I guess I could have had the same thing had I stayed behind and stayed at the restaurant last night with Carl. I don’t know what is wrong with me. Is it that I am afraid of commitment or afraid to need someone? I just don’t know. All I know at this moment is that I should have stayed and faced my fears. Being with Jennifer and Kevin was not the right thing for me right now. As soon as I can, I will disappear and they will forget I am here…or so I thought.

The car pulled up and the hotel staff opened the doors. As we exited, cameras started flashing and microphones were pushed in Kevin’s face. Who is this guy? I wondered. He was more than a casual acquaintance from some plane. He must be someone in politics, maybe some up and coming star, an athlete? Who knows? I’ll do some research once I get to my room. I quickly walked into the resort and to the registration desk. I wanted to avoid the cameras at all costs. I was so self-conscious of my looks. I wanted nothing more than to be a smaller version of myself and I hated cameras. Once I had key in hand, I made my way to the elevators. I was so relieved to be in the elevator alone. I dropped my head and the tears flowed. Today had been excruciating watching Jennifer with Kevin. They were complete strangers yet they seemed like lovers that had been together forever. Why couldn’t I give myself up to those feelings and be content, if only for a short while?

Meanwhile, back in Denver, Carl was still seated at the bar. The news was on and late-breaking news footage was being broadcast about Kevin Winston, the newly appointed congressman for the state of North Carolina. Carl was shocked to see Sylvia exit the limousine and quickly assumed that is why she left in such a hurry. However, as Winston exited the car with a brunette on his arm, his fears were put to rest, yet he wondered why she was with him as well. Carl quickly paid his tab and headed for the elevators.

Once I was in the room, I quickly started to pack. So many thoughts raced through my mind. Why was she there and with him? Was she planning some event for him or was she involved with him and that is why she left me sitting at the bar? The entire time I packed, one question after another went through my mind. I couldn’t stop thinking about it but I had to have answers. I would hire a driver and get there as fast as I could and face her one more time. I had to make her see we were good for each other. I just met her but I had to convince her we were well suited for each other.

An hour later, Carl was on the road and nervous as could be. He watched the trees speed by and the mountains grow taller and whiter. As each mile passed, he became more nervous and wondered if he were doing the right thing. Several hours later, Carl stepped out of the car and into the grand resort. As he approached the desk, he saw her sitting in the lounge. He made his way across the long lobby area and was ready to call out to her when, suddenly, a man wrapped his arm around her shoulder and leaned in and placed a kiss on the side of her neck. Quickly to anger, Carl turned on his heel and left the resort never looking back. Once seated in the taxi, Carl wondered what brought him here. Why did he feel the need to chase after her? It was such a disappointment seeing her there with someone else. But, what right did he have to be jealous; she wasn’t interested in him, obviously.

Seated at the bar, Sylvia leaned into Kevin to whisper a thank you and, with his arm around her shoulder, she felt comforted from the horrible incident the night before. Kevin leaned in at the same time and, having had too many drinks, bumped into her neck instead. Jennifer walked up at that moment and came in between them warning them both to straighten up she was back! Sylvia just rolled her eyes at Jennifer (as if she could ever be interested in someone like Kevin. He just wasn’t her type). Jennifer’s next comment jolted Sylvia out of her depression.

“Hey, what’s Carl doing here? Did you invite him after all?”

“No,” I quickly said turning to see him race out the door. Momentarily, I was tempted to race after him but something stopped me. I knew it wouldn’t work, as I was not ready for any type of commitment.

Meanwhile, Jennifer and Kevin sat close to each other enjoying each passing moment. I sat watching them for a while envious of how easily Jennifer gave into her feelings and had so much fun. I finally had enough and went to my room, opened a book and began to read about a life I knew only happened in between the typed pages and longed for one of my own.

I awoke in the middle of the night, lights bright, with a crick in my neck. The book had fallen to the floor and the opened pages beckoned to me. The story was coming to an end and I knew mine was as well. It was time to get home, get back to work, and to my real life. The traveling could easily make me want to live a life that was abnormal and filled with fun. I put the book down and started to pack again. I knew it was time to face the facts and get home and to concentrate on my work and forget all about Carl.

I left a message for Jennifer on her cell letting her know that I had to get back East and apologized for not staying and enjoying our planned holiday. I knew Kevin would ease the disappointment as he wrapped his arms around her and then she’d forget all about me.

Chapter 4

Now, years later, I sit on the beach watching the many tourists enjoy the hot temperatures and the rough surf. A bad storm was brewing yet I decided to visit Jennifer anyway. This one would be like all the others, wouldn’t it? We always felt the media hyped up the storm just so the local grocers could make a fortune!

Jennifer and Kevin now had a daughter and were very happy. He was a prominent member of the senate and his position was highly regarded by his party and he was favored to run for the presidency in the next election. I tried to stay out of politics while visiting them because it often became a heated discussion you just couldn’t win. Kevin was always right and would always be right…just ask him!

Meanwhile, regardless of the political situation, I visited each summer and every break I had from my event planning to spend time at my most beloved vacation spot….the beach. I needed to get a real life! I’ve been alone for so long now it was a joke. Jennifer harassed me constantly about opening up and letting myself fall in love and that I needed to fall hard. I kept the walls up and was well guarded. I let no one in and made sure I didn’t go out with someone more than a couple of times before I made my excuses that I was seriously dating someone else (a lie in it’s own right). Why bother? Most men I’d been out with were worthless. They didn’t want to work or didn’t feel like my equal and that was very important to me. I wanted an equal partner. What was wrong with that? Jennifer tells me everything! What was wrong with me just falling in love and accepting someone with my whole heart? I guess the problem was that I didn’t feel like I had a whole heart to begin with and how was I to move on when I didn’t feel whole. I wanted someone to complement me, not make me feel whole. I was a perfectionist and for me to believe that I wasn’t whole was horrible. How could I face myself knowing I wasn’t perfect!

I felt as if my life was normal yet I knew deep down there was something missing from my life. I ventured to the beach all the time in hopes of finding my true love. I’d heard so many stories over the years where friends and friends of friends had found that perfect someone for them in the last place imaginable….on vacation. Why couldn’t it be me this year? I grew weary of people telling me to quit looking because that was when he would find me! Whatever!….Who actually believes in this stuff? Not me, that’s who!

The sun was still warm and Jennifer was prepping the house for the anticipated storm. I couldn’t make myself go up to the house to help. I was so lazy this visit. Kevin was away on business and wouldn’t be home for several weeks so I made myself at home in his absence. I know he was tired of all my visits of late but I couldn’t help venturing to the beach at every opportunity. Jennifer and I were like sisters and I needed my sister more than ever this summer. There was a whole in my heart and in my life that I felt only she, Kevin and Autumn could fill.

As the wind picked up, Jennifer called out to me to help with the windows. I begrudgingly got up from my chair and sauntered over to the path that led to the back deck. As I walked up the steps, I noticed the back door was open on the home next to us. I didn’t think the Garrett’s would be here this summer; I thought Jennifer said they went to Europe this year. I’ll have to go over and say hello when we get finished with the windows.

As we worked on the house, we easily chatted about one thing after another. The Edwards family a few houses down had divorced and he had the nerve to bring the future Mrs. Edwards down to experience the island. John and Beverly were hosting their whole family for the summer, which only meant a fun filled time for us in the upcoming weeks and, lastly, Mrs. Davis was spending her last summer here since Wes passed away in late winter. These families had all become direct extensions of our lives and we all recognized that we were family. We spent season after season with each other enjoying the marriages, births and reunions each passing year and, while I was only a visitor, I was welcomed into this large extended family as well; yet another reason I felt compelled to visit with every invitation.

Windows covered and groceries stored, we awaited the storm’s arrival. Autumn, unsettled and moody, became the trifling child that could not be appeased. We tried games, coloring, television (while the electricity lasted) anything to keep her pre-occupied. To no avail, she wanted outside to play with her friends. I finally caved and agreed to escort her and to keep a watchful eye on her. We walked down to the beach and I sat myself in my adirondack chair and watched the children play. The unsettled clouds raced in with every passing minute while the children were oblivious the approaching storm.

From where I sat, I could see the fading sun glimmer out briefly from behind it’s surrounding clouds. Out of the corner of my eye, I glanced over and saw the most beautiful man I’d ever seen watching some teens attempting the now popular body surfing. He was tall and lean with dark brown hair and the most beautiful smile. I watched as he chuckled to himself as one surfer after another fell hard into the sand. I couldn’t imagine what that would feel like but from his reaction, I’m sure he had experienced it. I sat mesmerized when I heard Autumn call out to me to look at the pool she created in the sand. An angry rush of water came pounding onto the beach just in time to fill up the whole and, while only briefly, Autumn was up to her chin with the fresh onslaught of water and seaweed. Even a small fish was trapped within her small pool until she squealed at a high pitch and tossed it out onto the beach only for it to flop around and catch the next wave and ride back out to sea. I had to laugh at her actions because she was the biggest tomboy I’d ever known next to myself and I couldn’t believe the fish scared her. I tried hard to be sympathetic to her situation but only wanted to laugh a deep hearty laugh to take some of the stress away.

Meanwhile, Carl watched them from across the beach and longed to go over and talk to her. It had taken him forever to trace her steps from that meeting in Colorado and to wait until he thought the time was right to move in for the so called “kill.” He had left her very angry never wanting to see her again yet the past years had been a long journey for them both. He had lost his father, suffered some health issues and he had followed Jennifer and Kevin in the society pages and knew he would find Sylvia within those pages as well. He was smart to track her this way; he was a silent stalker but meant her no harm. He only wanted to rekindle the romance that hard started so many years ago and he felt the timing was right. Coming to the beach this season was the right decision and he wanted to make the best of it. While he felt she was vulnerable after the passing of her mother and father, he wanted to be there as the emotional shoulder that he knew she must need. Maybe this was his time to shine and to become important to someone. He had longed to find someone like Sylvia over the years and, sadly, no one ever made him feel the way she did so long ago and he did not want to settle for second best.

He tried not to look directly at her while she sat upon the beach and knew she would be so shocked to see him at the house next door. It paid off to hire the private detective to watch over her until he felt the time was right and he knew that time was now. He would be patient and reach out to her just when she least expected it. He only hoped she would reciprocate the feelings he’d held at bay all this time.

He had been from job to job over the past few years attempting to find his niche and he found it difficult to settle on a job if he wasn’t truly happy. He gave it all up and started his own business only to fail a year later and return back to his old community networking until he found his way to his current position in which he held more power and prestige than ever before. Now that he was happy with his own life, he wanted Sylvia to share in all the joys he was experiencing. While it had been expensive keeping an eye on her, it was well worth it to be able to reach out to her now.

Carl advanced up the beach so as not to appear to be watching Sylvia. Along the way, he picked up a few shells, as he knew she loved to do and it made him feel more connected to her. He walked for what seemed forever. He realized the clouds were looming overhead and should return to the house. It still boggled his mind she came to the beach; she must have realized the storm was on its way. She was quite a risk taker it seemed. He turned to head back to the house when he ran into her. I placed my hands on her arms to steady her. She looked me over with a critical eye and I could only hope I passed her test.

“Excuse me,” I said.

“Are you all right?” he said.

We laughed. “You first.” “Sorry, you first.” I was so caught up in her eyes I didn’t realize her hand was still in mine and it was very warm to the touch and I liked it! As she stepped away, I brought her hand up to my mouth and I placed a gentle kiss in her palm.

“Salty,” I said and smiled.

“The ocean,” she proclaimed with an outstretched arm pointing to the water.

I then walked into her open arm as it automatically closed around my back and we hugged tightly. I enfolded my arms around her and brought her even closer. I could feel the length of her body against mine. Jennifer walked up and I could sense Sylvia retreating but her eyes never left mine. I couldn’t help but smile more and more as her blush deepened.

I gently took her hand pumping it as I introduced myself. “Carl Cooper.”

She was barely able to speak her name as she introduced herself, “Sylvia Stevenson,” she whispered. “Have we met before?” Ah, it was obvious she didn’t remember me and maybe I should see that as a blessing. I heard Jennifer clearing her throat and it brought me out of my fog.

“Um, Carl, is it? This is my dearest friend in all the world, Jennifer Tepper.”

I can see Jennifer recognizes me immediately from the look on her face but she only shakes my hand and says how nice it is to meet me. I look over at Sylvia and she has a far off look on her face. I assume she is trying to remember where she met me before. Jennifer winks at me and then begins to recount their friendship; she happens to mention that Sylvia is single. I watch her as she blushes again. I look into her eyes wishing she could read my mind. I want her to remember me so badly.

Jennifer bid me goodbye and she and Sylvia walked back to the beach house. I believe she was pulling her back to the dune and to the steps that led toward their deck. I stood on the beach for a while waiting for the clouds to clear but as they began to look more ominous, I walked over to my rented cottage to find a cold beer. I had many plans to put into place in order that I might reach out to Sylvia and make her mine.